Thinking about submitting a short story to an e-mag. My level of nervousness is supremely high.
In other news, English Journal #2 for Living Dead Girl. Only a day late.
I usually re-read books I like, but I'm not sure if I could re-read this. I'm not even sure if I like it. Maybe I loved it, but hated what it did to me. Kind of like a person.
Maybe I don't need to re=read it because I'm still thinking about it. It's been a few weeks now, but when something reminds me, all the feelings come back. It kind of bites, because I can't eat yoghurt without my stomach knotting up. Then again, it would be awful to forget.
Maybe I don't want to re-read it. The second go-through is usually where I start picking apart the language, the characters, the pacing. The story then becomes a book, and experience that can be analyzed because someone chose to share it. I'm not sure I want Living Dead Girl to be a book. It feels almost like I'd be holding in contempt all the real girls and real lives the book represents. I've done it before, but I don't want to do it with this one.
Maybe I'm just selfish. Maybe I just don't want to live through that gosh-darned ending all over again. There's only so many times you can walk away disatified Because you're walking away.
Teen writer succumbs to the devastating wiles of fiction. Also available: opinions, blabbering, author-worship.
Showing posts with label shadow. Show all posts
Showing posts with label shadow. Show all posts
Monday, April 25, 2011
Thursday, August 12, 2010
The Chronicle of Late Night Doubts
Dear non-existent reader,
It's about three thirty A. M. and I am not, unfortunately, sleep-typing, but completely awake. This is going to be one of those posts I hope I can look back on, one or two or five years from now, and laugh (either because I've proved myself wrong, or because I've proven myself right and gotten over it).
Lately, I've been wondering why I wrote Accidents. Which is really a stupid question - I wrote it because I realised that my last series, Colorblind, was a horrible dead-end idea, and I needed something new I could throw myself into with everything I'd learned up to that point. I'm not exactly sure when this was anymore - maybe summer/fall '07? I'm not saying I regret writing Accidents or Colorblind, because I learned alot from practical application that I couldn't learn in English class. I discovered my areas of fault, learned to be my own editor, developed the desire to be original, to be great, because I hated looking at what I'd written and not being able to say, "I love this. This is amazing. This is my best work yet, and even when I've become a better writer, I will not be able to make this any better. This is perfect." It's kind of the unattainable dream, right? I know that nothing I write will ever be perfect, but that has to be my goal, or there's nothing to shoot for. I don't want to just be as good as anyone else.
I know that some of my best writing so far has gone into Accidents. I don't think it's a bad book, or a bad concept, or that it wasn't worth my time. And I still think it's a good book to enter the market with. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like, why am I doing this? What connection do I feel to these characters? What am I trying to say?
Truthfully, I say a lot of things in the novel - little tidbits of myself, tucked in here and there - but in the grand scheme of things, the theme of Accidents is overcoming all the cr*p that life throws at you. It's something I care about, obviously, but I don't know if it'll really speak to other people in that way, because my MC has a rough time with that - the overcoming. It's not so much how a person should do it, but how my MC does do it, which isn't a perfect or healthy method at all. Maybe it'll be a warning to people. Maybe, if I get a chance to see the series to it's end, it'll give people a little hope that the passage of time really is a good healer. I just don't know.
People who've read it, or part of it, say things about the characters, the writing, the plot, but I haven't heard any thoughts on the theme. I'm worried that I've written a book that will not stay with you. But now that it's done, really the only thing I can do is keep moving forward with everything I do from now on.
I am always learning. It's a little painful.
Sincerely,
Shadows
It's about three thirty A. M. and I am not, unfortunately, sleep-typing, but completely awake. This is going to be one of those posts I hope I can look back on, one or two or five years from now, and laugh (either because I've proved myself wrong, or because I've proven myself right and gotten over it).
Lately, I've been wondering why I wrote Accidents. Which is really a stupid question - I wrote it because I realised that my last series, Colorblind, was a horrible dead-end idea, and I needed something new I could throw myself into with everything I'd learned up to that point. I'm not exactly sure when this was anymore - maybe summer/fall '07? I'm not saying I regret writing Accidents or Colorblind, because I learned alot from practical application that I couldn't learn in English class. I discovered my areas of fault, learned to be my own editor, developed the desire to be original, to be great, because I hated looking at what I'd written and not being able to say, "I love this. This is amazing. This is my best work yet, and even when I've become a better writer, I will not be able to make this any better. This is perfect." It's kind of the unattainable dream, right? I know that nothing I write will ever be perfect, but that has to be my goal, or there's nothing to shoot for. I don't want to just be as good as anyone else.
I know that some of my best writing so far has gone into Accidents. I don't think it's a bad book, or a bad concept, or that it wasn't worth my time. And I still think it's a good book to enter the market with. But the more I think about it, the more I feel like, why am I doing this? What connection do I feel to these characters? What am I trying to say?
Truthfully, I say a lot of things in the novel - little tidbits of myself, tucked in here and there - but in the grand scheme of things, the theme of Accidents is overcoming all the cr*p that life throws at you. It's something I care about, obviously, but I don't know if it'll really speak to other people in that way, because my MC has a rough time with that - the overcoming. It's not so much how a person should do it, but how my MC does do it, which isn't a perfect or healthy method at all. Maybe it'll be a warning to people. Maybe, if I get a chance to see the series to it's end, it'll give people a little hope that the passage of time really is a good healer. I just don't know.
People who've read it, or part of it, say things about the characters, the writing, the plot, but I haven't heard any thoughts on the theme. I'm worried that I've written a book that will not stay with you. But now that it's done, really the only thing I can do is keep moving forward with everything I do from now on.
I am always learning. It's a little painful.
Sincerely,
Shadows
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